The Tea on Adult Friendships, Finding Them and Losing Them

By the time most of us hit our mid-twenties our BFFs are quickly becoming that person we avoid at the grocery store, but why is that? Why is it that as we grow older, and become aware of who we are, friends become scarce?

Keep those eyes moving. The answer is in the next line.

 

The Friendship No Longer Serves You

As kids, we can afford to devote all our focus to social interaction, so we make friends all the time. Our priorities have changed as we have grown older, often for good reason. It is still important for adults to consider casual socializing to be essential for wellness. Maybe the idea of seeking out meaningful social interactions should be given more attention.

Look, it may happen, that you and the BFF may frequently fall out of touch for a long while. A few of your old best friends may reappear for a time maybe a year or two later, but some of them will never reappear. And the theory has been proven. Losing relationships as we get older is inevitable. A study published in the UK and Europe found that social circles tend to thin out relatively fast: as early as your mid-twenties.

Plus, relationships can be badly damaged by the day-to-day demands of adulthood (and there are so many instances of this happening). Canceled brunches and constantly having to reallocated funds can bring down bonds that previously felt like blood or even worse, like siblings.

Now that you're older, it’s possible the friendship isn’t capable of providing what it once did. Maybe it feels like a burden, overwhelming, or tedious. If you've reached that point It's time to carefully consider your actions, and theirs. If it doesn't pass the vibe check, let it go. 

All right, enough of the lukewarm reality check, this is not the sole topic of this article. In fact, despite all of these complications, we want to give you hope.

Adults can find new best friends.

Getting Yourself a new BFF

Sociology says you need three magic ingredients to meet your new bestie.

1. Proximity
2. A Comfortable Environment
3. Repeated, unplanned interactions

The three key elements create a rare atmosphere where people can relax and maybe, just maybe— become the best of confidants. 

 

Translation: Join a community, and find your niche. 
Examples: 

Join a trendy fitness boutique and become a repeat customer.

There are virtual meetings (such as a writers' group or book club.)

Take up a social hobby and make time for it every week.

You might enjoy the longboard dance community 

Play a few rounds at a bingo hall

Work as a volunteer for a cause dear to your heart.

Taking pictures as a hobby with other film-heads.

Become a member of a coworking space if you work from home.

  

Most importantly, keep in mind that real friendships take time to develop, so make time for those potential friends and begin making memories. There is no doubt, meeting and engaging in an activity that you both enjoy, is always a great way to bond.

There are even silver linings for adult, friendship breakups. They’re not always a bad thing. That said, “it’s for better the better,” shouldn’t mean that the once close relationship becomes less in your heart. Plus, most* of us change over the course of our lives. What we need from a companion when we are 35 will be different from what we need at 21. 

If you’re in the market for a new ride n’ die, perhaps you’ll want to consider one last thing: Any relationship is going to last a longer period of time if the people involved are capable of managing their emotions and communicating.